journal 2

(october 13, 2024)

soundtrack to writing this was my middle school angst playlist, so listen to creature by it feels sad and anything by free throw or briston maroney if you want to lock in with me lol

hi it has been about two months according to my calculations (a guess) and i feel somewaht different from my last journal post i guess? i wanted to update here because i need to stop making promises to myself and nit keeping them and this is literally so simple all I need to do is write a few words and hit post, so thats what im doing right now. we wont be spellchecking this because this is kind of a tossaway so i apologize in advance but not really because this is more for me than anything

tried to do the vlogging thing and all, I even made a new yt channel and everything but something about the idea of being perceived is so paralyzing. i need to man up and just do it at some point, i think it'll be good for me, but as of now i cant seem to find the balls. i've been voicacting and making music recently though, which definitely has helped me in a lot of ways. it's interestig because all though i've been in art block regarding drawing for the past year maybe, i've been able to write so much more, but now my drawing's coming back while i write less and do music more, so i apparently just can't do more than two things i enjoy at once for some reason

i've been on and off considering therapy, partially i know i need to but on the other hand im terrified of going and it turning out that i'm being a big bitchboy and i just need to ma nup and i have thus wasted money, which is bit of a dilemma because i really won't know unless i try. recent life events have had me considering it real bad though icl. other life events have had me considering if just letting myself be an asshole for like the rest of my life is worth avoiding the discomfort of thinking about what i'm doing for a few years, but we may never know

i think i've hit the introspection button hard enough for another month or so, ciao again

-webster